I awoke today to a message from my friend that read, “D.C. had an earthquake this morning.” Considering she works for the government and has Secret Service details that can correctly identify her perfume scent (true story), I figured she was probably safe. I then decided to check in with some other friends living in our nation’s capitol, and my friend Andrew assured me that the earth had opened up beneath him and began to swallow his apartment until he warded off the quake with some Independence Day quotes (Is that an earthquake? Not even a four-pointer. Go back to sleep!). In our attempt to find some sort of reputable news on this earthquake since national news was severely lacking on the subject, we came across this blog that read: YES, THAT WAS AN EARTHQUAKE. (Note: apparently the Post has changed the headline since this morning.)
What a brilliant headline! If only more local news could validate what otherwise might just be odd realities experienced in day-to-day life. New York has enough crazies that a whole news source could be devoted to the subject! This could be particularly useful late-night (Yes, Andrew that burnt smell is from the pizza you left in the oven while falling blissfully asleep), but would also be helpful in comprehending various daytime oddities…
Yes, that Brooklyn woman just karate slammed her tiny dog into the sidewalk in an Annette Bening American Beauty-esque rampage.
Yes, I let the waiter at Sushi Samba last night convince me to order the fancy-pants $13.50 Neo Tokyo roll over the $7.00 Spicy Tuna roll so I could pay $6.50 more for tempura flakes and two extra pieces. Fail.
Yes, those spandex-clad people in Union Square are really working out by jumping with hybrid pogo-stick-trampoline shoes (Kangaroo jumps).
Yes, I just saw a 20-something male in a three-piece suit jump in front of an elderly woman with a cane for a cab and say, “I don’t think so, Grandma!”
Yes, these people are indeed reenacting Star Wars on the subway.