The third week in October is a loud one in NYC. It marks the annual CMJ Music Marathon where thousands of musicians, critics, producers and fans (of course!) gather to share ideas about the industry and check out rising artists. The CMJ schedule is nothing short of an organizational masterpiece. Various bands play simultaneously at a handful of venues throughout Manhattan and Brooklyn. CMJ even offers its own website to customize your spectator schedule so that you don’t miss the important acts. As I sifted through the band list over past week a few names made my nose wrinkle up in disgust. Granted, it must be pretty hard to come up with a legitimate, invigorating band name these days because all the good ones are probably taken. Regardless, I am skipping the following 10 shows based on name alone:
Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. NASCAR ew.
Dances With White Girls In my personal experience, white girls are not the best dancers. If the band were Dances With Latina Girls I’d probably show up.
Vagina Panther Your mother must be so proud. I assume “cougar” was already taken.
The Binary Marketing Show Let me get this straight: you want to market with 0s and 1s? I’m hoping this is a group of engineering nerds.
Gay for Johnny Depp Who isn’t?
Mantyhose Bad visual. Probably worse sound.
Um Clearly you’ve never taking a public speaking class. Or perhaps you have. Either way, I think your show will be full of vocal distractors and I’m passing.
Skeet Skeet They probably like hunting, which doesn’t particularly bother me, but redundancy does. Consequently I will also be skipping TVTV and Dark Dark Dark.
Uncle Bad Touch You’re not funny.
For a list of actual talent, check out Pitchfork’s priority show list.